We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
