I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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