Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
