I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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