i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
