never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
