I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
