so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
how does that bad decision feel?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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