Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My life is pants optional.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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