I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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