So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
