Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
