so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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