So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
