i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
