Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
