Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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