Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
