dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
either way he was missing a nipple.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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