quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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