Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
