I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
