Swine flu. Run for my life!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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