Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
