i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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