I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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