I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
