I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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