its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
