I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Randomize
