The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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