I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
