K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dicks are not precious.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
