Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
