walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
