Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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