didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is Oprah even human
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
