Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
