You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
