He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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