You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is it penis luge time yet?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
