so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
