i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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