It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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