I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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