you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
