Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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