Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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