let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
