mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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