dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
