so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
